i know, i know it’s been awhile July 19, 2009

i wasn’t lying when i said i was bad with keeping up with a blog. but the past three weeks of my life have been crazy. three weeks ago my engagement was up in the air and then two weeks ago today the love of my life left me. this has been a stretching period in my life and in my walk with the Lord. He was preparing me for what happened with Joe and I weeks before it happened. He has defiantly has showed me that His love is More than enough. I’ve been making Joe and our engagement my hearts treasure and I always prayed that I wouldn’t do that but today in church with Steve was speaking i realized that  i was making Joe and our future my hearts deepest treasure when the Lord should have been. Now that i’ve seen what could happen if you make an earthly possession your treasure, your just going to be let down. I just did a pinky promise with the Lord that I will try my hardest of hardest to never replace Him with something else, nor ever love something more than I love Him. This has been the hardest experience in my life but God placed these amazing people in my life to get me through this. Its just hard because I didn’t just loose my fiancee, I lost my best of best of best of friends. But, I’m a fighter and the Lord is helping me day by day in His sweet ways to show me that I’ll be just fine.

23 days until I head back to Liberty!

wishing can only get you so far.. June 22, 2009

right now i’m sitting at home in my bed and reflecting from the past two weeks that i got to spend with my amazing man. i honestly think i’m the luckiest girl in the world. i used to be one of those people that did not believe in long distance relationships. i feel like what you least you want in a relationship and what scares you the most .. you end up finding the perfect person but being with them you have to face your fears. being in a long distance relationship has made me stronger. it  has taught me that love is not about how much affection you show someone, how much ” time ” you spend with someone. love is just pushing through the hardest things and making it the most beautiful. as hard as this time that i have away from joe, down the road i know that these times that i’ll charish forever. him going away for four months under way and waiting for a phone call and emails… it makes you realize just how important that person is to you, how much you really need them in your life. 

sitting in my bed and thinking about the moments that i just had with joe.. all of my bones are aching and wishing that i could just got back to that final moment when i said goodbye to him early this morning for the next six months. but the more i wish and the more i cry it just makes me get sadder and sadder. but i know that God has this crazy ridiculous plan for our lives and somehow he brought this little texan-air force brat and this arizonian together.. i have nothing but faith that the Lord is going to work in our lives in the next six months to where its going to make us even stronger.  

“contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough” 

count your kisses one by one.. June 20, 2009

tomorrow is my last day in seattle. which is breaking my heart because i wont see joe for another six months. the next six months is going to be rough. its hard going days and weeks.. and months without seeing the love of my life.. my best friend. i’ve just got to remind myself that this is apart of the season of life that god has for us. i just need to rely on god for his strength, because i’ll need it for sure. tomorrow i’ll be soaking up every second that i have with him. he’s worth waiting for.

Goals for summer 2009 June 19, 2009

1. To actually finish my summer reading list

2. Memorize the book of Colossians and Ephesians 

3. To do Yoga four times a week

4. Every weekend work on my etsy project 

5. To grow deeper in love with the One who loved me first. 

… okay so this is my list so far. I know its not much, but I know it’ll grow. These are the things that popped up in my mind first! wish me luck!

jump rope June 19, 2009

it’s weird to think that when you have life all figured out, it runs up behind you and pushes you down. Even though sometimes I feel like just giving up, God just taps me on the shoulder and tells me He loves me in the sweetest ways.  Seriously, He is such a romantic. On the airplane to Seattle from Houston, I watched a constant sunset. Every time I glanced out the window, the clouds were still turning different hues because the sun was setting. I just have to take a deep breath of just in awe of how beautiful the Lord is. 

While I’ve been in Seattle He has been teaching me a whole lot. For instance, that I have no idea what the future holds. I think I have it all figured out and knowing what is going to happen. After this week, I’ve realized that I am not in control of my life, God is. He has a totally different plan for me than I thought. Its hard, it’s not easy. I’m trying to take a step back from life and just reflect, repent and just let the Lord move me. Because honestly, when I’m “in control” I have no idea what I am doing and my life gets all screwed up. But, when I let the Lord take the drivers seat, man, my life just flows right. It is still hard as mess, but everything just works, because He is in control and His Will is being done. 

I have a whole lot of reflecting, repenting to be done this summer. I’m so amped on what the Lord has for me.

sleepless in seattle.. June 19, 2009

First off, I have never been a successful blogger.. I always tend to start one and delete it within weeks because my journal seems to be more handier. But, since I’ve been traveling like a crazy person.. I’m giving a blog a second chance.. so here I go!

 

I just got done filling out postcards to my dear friends. There’s something about writing a little note to sum up your trip in the little box they give you on a postcard. For me, when I get a postcard or any kind of snail mail from friends it feels like Christmas. There’s something about it that just warms my heart. I guess I’m just missing my friends and the home that Liberty has become to me in the past year. I never realized how “college sick” I’d become just in a few short weeks. 

Right now I’m trying to enjoy each second that I have left in Seattle. I feel like each hour comes I start to miss Joe already. Just knowing that I’m going to have to say goodbye again in a couple of days breaks my heart. I finally get “used” to seeing him everyday and then poof it’s taken away again. 

But, I know that God has some crazy.. out of the wall plans for this year.. I know it. This summer I just pray that God will just fill up my heart to where its ready to pour out to all of the girls on my hall this year. I feel like I have a whole lot to learn this summer.. but I know I have a whole lot to give. Just waiting patiently and enjoying the moment.. even thought sometimes the grass seems greener on the other side. Bethany and I have been talking about this very same thing.. almost everyday! It’s like the theme for our summer.. just being content with the moment because I know I’m going to be missing the freedom that I have right now and all of the time that is set in front of me everyday!